These thoughts remind me of Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies. She poses them to describe (among other things) how we respond to expectations (including rules). Some generally accept or reject expectations. Another type questions the rule, and if deemed good, then follows it (ie. turning the external rule into an internal rule). The last type tends to accept external expectations, but not internal ones. I'm definitely the third type. :)
Thanks for this, Scot. I wasn't familiar with Gretchen Rubin, but I find this very interesting. I'd same I'm definitely the type to question a rule and internalize it if I deem it good. That's for sure my dad's influence. I appreciate the comment!
Tanya-thank you for this thoughtful examination of The Rules. I'm working on a middle grade novel that explores the idea of Rules are Rules and a young girl's relationship to rules changing as her town changes, she makes new friends, and she is punished for breaking a rule she didn't know existed. I'm going to meditate on your words, and let my subconscious do some work on this for me.
This is such an interesting topic. I am, what you might call, a skeptical rule follower. I do my darnedest to follow rules, but I don't assume that they are perfect or that the people who convey them understand them. Rather, I'm always searching for the underlying principle or motivating reason for a stated rule and take that into account in attempting to abide by it. At the same time, I don't assume that just because I don't understand a rule it must automatically be bad or stupid, but I will be scrutinizing it with extra care for contradictions and will keep an eye open for alternatives.
You could say that I am invested in not breaking rules on principle. Yet, as a believer that there are many solutions to many problems, I generally find that there are plenty of other routes to where I want to go that don't require rule-breaking. I just might have to think a little harder or more creatively than someone who either easily accepts "no" and "don't" or someone who has few compunctions about rule-breaking. I do not see myself as the sheep, thoughtlessly following the herd, but the sheepdog coaxing and nudging those who more easily stray, trying to keep them and myself safe and comfortable and happy, whilst always on the lookout for potential dangers and obstacles ... and alternative paths.
Thanks for this thoughtful comment, Emily! Clearly you were raised right. :-) I feel like I have an immature part of me that really relishes getting away with things. Not BAD things, y'know, but there's some part that just always feels proud if it can manage to game the system, particularly if it strikes me as a ridiculous system. I DO pay my taxes, though. I believe in taxes. Talk about the things that keep us all safe. If everyone was like that aforementioned orange braggart who is proud to have contributed next to nothing, every road in the country would be falling apart and every streetlight long burned out.
When I was younger, I could be quite self-righteous about my rule-following, but now, I see it as a morally-neutral tendency that can help or harm depending on the situation. I imagine that communities function best with a mix of rule questioners, rule followers, and rule breakers -- perhaps we've evolved with these different tendencies to create a system of checks and balances to find a middle ground between cultural chaos and stagnation.
Also, I think it's worth asking "why?" when we notice a swing towards seemingly mindless rule-following. Are people overwhelmed? Despairing? Fearful? Misled? Disengaged? Tired? Are they just rushing to get to the things that do matter to them? It's easy to be condescending or feel superior. It's hard to identify and address underlying problems.
Yes, great reflections. I love the idea that we evolved these different tendencies to help things function. If everyone were always breaking rules things would fall apart, but if everyone always followed them we wouldn't progress. So I guess we all have our roles to play. I didn't manage to fit this into this piece, but I always feel a particular rageful frustration arise with people who seem to be enforcing nonsensical rules without caring less whether the rules serve any purpose... I suppose that feeling evolved for a reason as well.
Also a Libra, also a rule-bender and at times breaker. It is a conundrum! Not wanting to act like I’m “above the law” yet also wanting what I want, and questioning everything like the child of the 60s that I am. I appreciate this honest reflection and fascinating glimpse into your life as a young actor.
Thanks so much, Alison! Perhaps I should have included the fact that the likelihood of getting caught also figures into whether or not I (or others) might break the rules... So many facets to this conversation! :-)
Yes, and also, you’re consideration of whether you getting the opportunity to be an Oedipus deprived. Some other student of their opportunity was very poignant. I am tending toward a more fatalistic view of life these days, thinking that what is meant for me, is what I get, and what I don’t get, wasn’t meant for me, and was meant for somebody else. That said, I would have loved loved, loved that experience that you had in rehearsal with the other students for the production. I could absolutely relate to the way that you entered an altered state with those improv exercises. I had a somewhat similar experience at the age of 24 in a theater group that I was privileged to be part of. I value those six months of rehearsal more than any of the performances . It was ecstatic. It was life altering. I’m not sure everybody would’ve experienced it that way, but I did. I still hope that there is some kind of deeply immersive theater experience like that in my future, although, finding that kind of time is much more difficult as an older person. It really does eat your life , and you have to surrender to it, but then that is also the joy. 💕🥰🌈❤️🌺
Yes! I was recently at someone's birthday party where we did some improv that blended sound and movement, and it was so soul-nurturing!! I've found amazing communities of people here in Ann Arbor who sing and dance in very free and inventive ways for the pure joy of it. It's been such a wonderful reawakening of those improvisational parts of myself. Definitely one of the reasons I don't want to leave here!
I know it does, and I don't know why I wasn't more a part of that scene when I was there! Well, if I move back, I definitely will find those folks and take part.
These thoughts remind me of Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies. She poses them to describe (among other things) how we respond to expectations (including rules). Some generally accept or reject expectations. Another type questions the rule, and if deemed good, then follows it (ie. turning the external rule into an internal rule). The last type tends to accept external expectations, but not internal ones. I'm definitely the third type. :)
Thanks for this, Scot. I wasn't familiar with Gretchen Rubin, but I find this very interesting. I'd same I'm definitely the type to question a rule and internalize it if I deem it good. That's for sure my dad's influence. I appreciate the comment!
Tanya-thank you for this thoughtful examination of The Rules. I'm working on a middle grade novel that explores the idea of Rules are Rules and a young girl's relationship to rules changing as her town changes, she makes new friends, and she is punished for breaking a rule she didn't know existed. I'm going to meditate on your words, and let my subconscious do some work on this for me.
Thanks so much for your comment, Sara! Your novel sounds very intriguing. I'm happy to have contributed in some way to your thought process!
This is such an interesting topic. I am, what you might call, a skeptical rule follower. I do my darnedest to follow rules, but I don't assume that they are perfect or that the people who convey them understand them. Rather, I'm always searching for the underlying principle or motivating reason for a stated rule and take that into account in attempting to abide by it. At the same time, I don't assume that just because I don't understand a rule it must automatically be bad or stupid, but I will be scrutinizing it with extra care for contradictions and will keep an eye open for alternatives.
You could say that I am invested in not breaking rules on principle. Yet, as a believer that there are many solutions to many problems, I generally find that there are plenty of other routes to where I want to go that don't require rule-breaking. I just might have to think a little harder or more creatively than someone who either easily accepts "no" and "don't" or someone who has few compunctions about rule-breaking. I do not see myself as the sheep, thoughtlessly following the herd, but the sheepdog coaxing and nudging those who more easily stray, trying to keep them and myself safe and comfortable and happy, whilst always on the lookout for potential dangers and obstacles ... and alternative paths.
Also, thanks for inspiring this blog post: https://limpingonward.wordpress.com/2024/01/25/on-rules-and-rule-breaking-disrupting-and-improving/
Thanks for this thoughtful comment, Emily! Clearly you were raised right. :-) I feel like I have an immature part of me that really relishes getting away with things. Not BAD things, y'know, but there's some part that just always feels proud if it can manage to game the system, particularly if it strikes me as a ridiculous system. I DO pay my taxes, though. I believe in taxes. Talk about the things that keep us all safe. If everyone was like that aforementioned orange braggart who is proud to have contributed next to nothing, every road in the country would be falling apart and every streetlight long burned out.
When I was younger, I could be quite self-righteous about my rule-following, but now, I see it as a morally-neutral tendency that can help or harm depending on the situation. I imagine that communities function best with a mix of rule questioners, rule followers, and rule breakers -- perhaps we've evolved with these different tendencies to create a system of checks and balances to find a middle ground between cultural chaos and stagnation.
Also, I think it's worth asking "why?" when we notice a swing towards seemingly mindless rule-following. Are people overwhelmed? Despairing? Fearful? Misled? Disengaged? Tired? Are they just rushing to get to the things that do matter to them? It's easy to be condescending or feel superior. It's hard to identify and address underlying problems.
Yes, great reflections. I love the idea that we evolved these different tendencies to help things function. If everyone were always breaking rules things would fall apart, but if everyone always followed them we wouldn't progress. So I guess we all have our roles to play. I didn't manage to fit this into this piece, but I always feel a particular rageful frustration arise with people who seem to be enforcing nonsensical rules without caring less whether the rules serve any purpose... I suppose that feeling evolved for a reason as well.
Also a Libra, also a rule-bender and at times breaker. It is a conundrum! Not wanting to act like I’m “above the law” yet also wanting what I want, and questioning everything like the child of the 60s that I am. I appreciate this honest reflection and fascinating glimpse into your life as a young actor.
Thanks so much, Alison! Perhaps I should have included the fact that the likelihood of getting caught also figures into whether or not I (or others) might break the rules... So many facets to this conversation! :-)
Yes, and also, you’re consideration of whether you getting the opportunity to be an Oedipus deprived. Some other student of their opportunity was very poignant. I am tending toward a more fatalistic view of life these days, thinking that what is meant for me, is what I get, and what I don’t get, wasn’t meant for me, and was meant for somebody else. That said, I would have loved loved, loved that experience that you had in rehearsal with the other students for the production. I could absolutely relate to the way that you entered an altered state with those improv exercises. I had a somewhat similar experience at the age of 24 in a theater group that I was privileged to be part of. I value those six months of rehearsal more than any of the performances . It was ecstatic. It was life altering. I’m not sure everybody would’ve experienced it that way, but I did. I still hope that there is some kind of deeply immersive theater experience like that in my future, although, finding that kind of time is much more difficult as an older person. It really does eat your life , and you have to surrender to it, but then that is also the joy. 💕🥰🌈❤️🌺
Yes! I was recently at someone's birthday party where we did some improv that blended sound and movement, and it was so soul-nurturing!! I've found amazing communities of people here in Ann Arbor who sing and dance in very free and inventive ways for the pure joy of it. It's been such a wonderful reawakening of those improvisational parts of myself. Definitely one of the reasons I don't want to leave here!
It does exist here in the Bay Area as well, Tanya! Lots of dance jams, improvisational theater—Interplay, and more!
I know it does, and I don't know why I wasn't more a part of that scene when I was there! Well, if I move back, I definitely will find those folks and take part.
Thank you for this nuanced untangling of threads!
(PS, I am a Libra too, and totally hear you on that. Taurus family members just roll their eyes ;-) )
Thanks, fellow Libran! So glad you enjoyed!